Home > Emotional Support > How to Handle Your First Meeting With Your Ex

How to Handle Your First Meeting With Your Ex

By: Maggie Lonsdale BA (hons) - Updated: 3 Dec 2012 | comments*Discuss
 
Ex Meet Separation Negative Positive

It’s one of those moments in your life that can change how you feel about yourself. If it all goes well, you can feel empowered and positive. If it goes badly, you can feel like the dowdiest failure.

When you meet your ex for the first time after a recent separation, it is imperative that you take steps to take the potency out of the situation and remain in control. The very fact that it can be such an emotional situation means that you need to be the master of your own destiny as much as possible.

While this does not mean that you need to be tottering about in high heels and full make up, just ready to drop some witty put-down when you bump into your ex, you do need to be emotionally prepared to handle the situation in a way which will make you feel positive.

Take Care of Yourself

Although you may feel like slobbing around in jogging bottoms and eating ice-cream for three months, you must only do this when no-one other than your mum and your best friend can see you. If you go to the supermarket in a state and see your ex for the first time since the separation, you will feel awful. Make sure you have regular baths, keep your hair cut and at least make sure your tracksuit is clean! Sounds shallow, but it’s really a good idea.

Avoid Certain Places

If you know that your ex is at the local sports centre every Wednesday, there’s nothing wrong with avoiding it for a while. Of course, if you have a class every Wednesday there too, then you need to hold your head up and get in there, but unless you have to, just stay away for a bit.

You may think that this sounds negative or defeatist, but it’s actually more about self-preservation and keeping your dignity. If you don’t have to be there, don’t go.

Don’t Bad Mouth Your Ex

However tempting it may be, if you tell everyone that your ex was rubbish in bed or some other detail that really should be kept a secret, it will make it far more difficult if you bump into him. The same goes for making tacky status updates on Facebook or Twitter. Just don’t do it. It’s cheap and unnecessary and it certainly won’t make you feel any better in the long term.

Unavoidable Events

If you know that you’re likely to see your ex at an unavoidable event – a school event, a solicitor’s appointment or some such – then you need to prepare. The cheesy American phrase ‘regroup’ is good here – think about how you want to present yourself and work to make that how you feel. It can be very difficult to stay polite and ‘professional’, particularly if you are the ‘wronged’ party, but you will feel far better about yourself in the long run.

Your preparation may involve making sure you feel good about your appearance, arriving in plenty of time, being prepared to handle difficult questions, taking plenty of deep breaths and being prepared that other people may be watching to see your reaction. You may well be centre of attention for a while in a way you’re not comfortable with, but it will soon pass onto someone else (so try not to make others feel uncomfortable!)

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
Why not be the first to leave a comment for discussion, ask for advice or share your story...

If you'd like to ask a question one of our experts (workload permitting) or a helpful reader hopefully can help you... We also love comments and interesting stories

Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Topics
Latest Comments
  • Wlfred
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi, me and my ex bought a house together We put down the same amount of deposit but I have been making all the mortgage payments…
    16 January 2021
  • Tweety
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hey me and a (guy)friend has a joint bond and living together became a nightmare as his not working anymore I'm 27 and his 57 he…
    28 December 2020
  • Kellyjayne
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hello, My husband left me at the start of lockdown and we have an 8 month old son. He moved out of the home we both own soon…
    30 November 2020
  • Withheld
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi Me and my partner separated 18 years ago now and myself and my 2 kids lived in the house. We were never married but the house…
    19 November 2020
  • Ramos
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Me and wife separated, we do have house under our both name we have two children one 16 and one 13. They do live with her at the…
    29 October 2020
  • Michelle
    Re: Buy Out The Mortgage From Your Ex
    My husband and I are separating he wants to buy out my share of the house. He has sought financial advice and we are…
    27 October 2020
  • Ash
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    My ex partner had me arrested to get me out of our home and lied to police. Since I haven’t been back to the home however I have…
    21 October 2020
  • Harbo
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    My ex partner has been renting out our ex home together as we are both living with new partner's in different homes. I’m wanting…
    7 October 2020
  • Marlene
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Good evening. My fiance was married in community of property. The house is in joint names as per divorce settlement wife must…
    6 October 2020
  • T.i.oakley
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    I have a morgage half buy half rent my ex partner is on the papers but he has been left 12 years and dont know where he is I…
    6 October 2020