Home > Being Alone > When a Relationship Ends: Creating a New You

When a Relationship Ends: Creating a New You

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 18 Sep 2012 | comments*Discuss
 
Separation Divorce Image Makeover

Something that's fairly common after a divorce or separation is to have a makeover. It can be a new look, a new wardrobe, maybe even a new car. It's a way of expressing freedom, and of closing a door on the past.

It can certainly be therapeutic, not to mention expensive. But in the long run, does it really help?

The Advantages

During your relationship you might have felt frumpish and unappreciated, and when you attempted something new your partner might not have noticed or even actively rebuffed it. Going out and making yourself over, creating the new person you've imagined yourself to be, can feel like a true liberation from the shackles of the relationship.

New clothes and a makeover - a new hairstyle, for instance - can be a shortcut to feeling glamorous, which could be exactly what you need, especially if it's something you've never experienced before.

There's the old cliché of men buying a sports car for a midlife crisis, and it's become one because there's more than a grain of truth in it. Men can see their cars as an extension of themselves, so a better car gives a better image (and self-image). It's the male equivalent of a makeover and a new wardrobe - or it can come in addition to that.

But feeling good in that way is often an ideal prescription after a breakup. You want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see. If it succeeds in that, then it's worthwhile.

The Disadvantages

The largest immediate disadvantage to it all is the amount of money you spend, at a time when finances can be quite rocky. If you really can't afford it, don't do it. The good feeling will only quickly be outweighed by the bills and you'll end up stressed - which is not what you need at all.

Having created a new image, the question is, do you really want to live up to it? For some it will be like stepping into the person they really are, but for others, it can quickly become wearing and unsatisfying. The person they envisaged just isn't them and actually can become uncomfortable. That's fine. You don't have to stay that way - simply revert to who you are. Look at the experience positively. You experimented, you tried it and discovered it wasn't you. As a result you know more about yourself than you did before - consider it one stop on a voyage of discovery.

Moving On

Whether the new image remains or not, it's a good transition out of the relationship and into a new life. It builds confidence, even if that's just in the short term, and that's an important step, since so many suffer from a lack of it in the wake of separation and divorce. The confidence can remain, and, in fact, it's a vital ingredient in the real new you that emerges.

That person will come out, a little older and wiser, but more sure of yourself, stronger, and able to deal with the world, with being single again, and much more ready when you do find another relationship.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
Why not be the first to leave a comment for discussion, ask for advice or share your story...

If you'd like to ask a question one of our experts (workload permitting) or a helpful reader hopefully can help you... We also love comments and interesting stories

Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Topics
Latest Comments
  • RecentlySeparated
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Harry - Your Question:I was married for 16 years and now divorced. We have 2 children under 18. My wife has since remarried and…
    15 August 2018
  • RecentlySeparated
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Mandingo - Your Question:Need help me and my husband brought our house between us I have put more in property then he has. He…
    15 August 2018
  • Harry
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    I was married for 16 years and now divorced. We have 2 children under 18. My wife has since remarried and still lives in our…
    14 August 2018
  • Mandingo
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Need help me and my husband brought our house between us I have put more in property then he has. He was sent to prison last…
    14 August 2018
  • RecentlySeparated
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Aspen - Your Question:Hi I would like to know how it works when you have children do you still sell the house 50/50
    14 August 2018
  • RecentlySeparated
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Curly - Your Question:Hi I am on a joint morgage with my ex we split 10yrs ago she rented the house out to someone she knew they…
    13 August 2018
  • Curly
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi i am on a joint morgage with my ex we split 10yrs ago she rented the house out to someone she knew they still live in it now…
    13 August 2018
  • RecentlySeparated
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Mark - Your Question:My partner has decided she no longer wants to be with me. We have a mortgage on our house and we have lived…
    8 August 2018
  • Mark
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    My partner has decided she no longer wants to be with me. We have a mortgage on our house and we have lived there for two years.…
    7 August 2018
  • RecentlySeparated
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Cstocken - Your Question:Me and wife brought our home this January and spent alot doing it. We have now split and I want a…
    6 August 2018
Further Reading...
Our Most Popular...
Add to my Yahoo!
Add to Google
Stumble this
Add to Twitter
Add To Facebook
RSS feed
You should seek independent professional advice before acting upon any information on the RecentlySeparated website. Please read our Disclaimer.