Home > Being Alone > When a Relationship Ends: Creating a New You

When a Relationship Ends: Creating a New You

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 18 Sep 2012 | comments*Discuss
 
Separation Divorce Image Makeover

Something that's fairly common after a divorce or separation is to have a makeover. It can be a new look, a new wardrobe, maybe even a new car. It's a way of expressing freedom, and of closing a door on the past.

It can certainly be therapeutic, not to mention expensive. But in the long run, does it really help?

The Advantages

During your relationship you might have felt frumpish and unappreciated, and when you attempted something new your partner might not have noticed or even actively rebuffed it. Going out and making yourself over, creating the new person you've imagined yourself to be, can feel like a true liberation from the shackles of the relationship.

New clothes and a makeover - a new hairstyle, for instance - can be a shortcut to feeling glamorous, which could be exactly what you need, especially if it's something you've never experienced before.

There's the old cliché of men buying a sports car for a midlife crisis, and it's become one because there's more than a grain of truth in it. Men can see their cars as an extension of themselves, so a better car gives a better image (and self-image). It's the male equivalent of a makeover and a new wardrobe - or it can come in addition to that.

But feeling good in that way is often an ideal prescription after a breakup. You want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see. If it succeeds in that, then it's worthwhile.

The Disadvantages

The largest immediate disadvantage to it all is the amount of money you spend, at a time when finances can be quite rocky. If you really can't afford it, don't do it. The good feeling will only quickly be outweighed by the bills and you'll end up stressed - which is not what you need at all.

Having created a new image, the question is, do you really want to live up to it? For some it will be like stepping into the person they really are, but for others, it can quickly become wearing and unsatisfying. The person they envisaged just isn't them and actually can become uncomfortable. That's fine. You don't have to stay that way - simply revert to who you are. Look at the experience positively. You experimented, you tried it and discovered it wasn't you. As a result you know more about yourself than you did before - consider it one stop on a voyage of discovery.

Moving On

Whether the new image remains or not, it's a good transition out of the relationship and into a new life. It builds confidence, even if that's just in the short term, and that's an important step, since so many suffer from a lack of it in the wake of separation and divorce. The confidence can remain, and, in fact, it's a vital ingredient in the real new you that emerges.

That person will come out, a little older and wiser, but more sure of yourself, stronger, and able to deal with the world, with being single again, and much more ready when you do find another relationship.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
Why not be the first to leave a comment for discussion, ask for advice or share your story...

If you'd like to ask a question one of our experts (workload permitting) or a helpful reader hopefully can help you... We also love comments and interesting stories

Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Topics
Latest Comments
  • son
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    my ex parther want me to sell our family home or buy him out . i would like to stay in my home . dont know wot to do ...
    19 August 2019
  • SouM
    Re: Buy Out The Mortgage From Your Ex
    Me and my ex partner (not married) own a house as tenants in common. He has put 80% of the deposit and I have put 20%. We…
    10 August 2019
  • NIC
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi i left my ex 4 years ago and I remained in the jointly owned property with our 2 kids. Since we split I have paid the…
    3 August 2019
  • Minam
    Re: Should You Tell Your Ex You're Dating Again?
    I don't want my ex back but I feel sorry for him he always cry for and I've found someone new .I broke up…
    11 July 2019
  • Mrs Jennifer Swift
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi I split up with my partner 2 years ago and moved out, we have 2 children together, we agreed on splitting everything down the…
    8 July 2019
  • Oli
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    My wife and I are separated. Have two children. She lives in the house we jointly own with our children. Up until late last…
    23 June 2019
  • Juju
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    A friend brought his house with his then girlfriend 10years ago. She left after 2 years never paying anything but he now wants…
    10 June 2019
  • Shelley
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    I have been separated from my husband for 5 years.He wont sign divorce papers and my name is on mortgage.How can I get my divorce
    9 June 2019
  • Lawrence Ham
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    my wife has a house with her ex, (not married) she wants out of the mortgage so we can move forward. How do we get her name off…
    21 May 2019
  • Tara
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi there I have a slight problem with my partner we always angry with each other we live in the same house but not as partner I…
    13 May 2019