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Getting Used to Living Alone

By: Maggie Lonsdale BA (hons) - Updated: 12 Nov 2019 | comments*Discuss
Living Alone Recently Separated Security

Recently separated people often say that they find getting used to living alone one of the hardest things to get used to, especially with all the little tasks that used to be shared now falling to one person.

Although getting used to living alone certainly takes some time, and isn’t something that can be rushed, there are some key areas that you can at least be better prepared to face.


If you’ve been used to living as a pair for a number of years, it can be rather disconcerting to be by yourself in the house, particularly at night. The first thing to do is make sure you have a reliable security system, and if you already have one but your partner used to deal with it, make sure you learn how to use it. Many security system installation companies (check for the phone number on your keypad alarm box) send out engineers to show you how to use the system free of charge, which is a great way to get peace of mind.

Give a spare house key to a trusted neighbour so that you have back up if needed and install a fisheye security window in your front and back doors. It’s also worth adding an extra lock to your doors too, and any windows that are even a little bit accessible.

Answering the Door

It can feel different to answer the door to an unexpected caller when you know that you are alone in the house. It is worth getting into the habit of having a talk-based radio station playing in another room when you live alone, as well as having a light or two on in rooms that you are not using, or in your garden.

If you are a lady living alone, a good ruse is to have a man’s coat, hat or shoes in your entrance hall if you are at all concerned. Also, do not have your ‘single woman’ status made obvious by having your name on your door or letter box.

Changing Routines

Part of living alone when you’re recently separated that can be tricky to handle is the stopping of routines. It may be that you and your ex had a certain breakfast at the weekend, or that you were brought a cup of tea in the evening when you were watching your favourite television show. It can be hard to realise that this will not happen again. Be kind to yourself by pre-emptively preparing for these events – buy yourself a special breakfast for the weekend and make a pot of tea before your show comes on.

The Little Things

It’s easy to overlook the sad impact of not having someone to call out to you when you open the front door after work or to answer the phone when you’re in the bath. Living alone means that you have to do everything yourself, and that is not always welcome. As long as you embrace the positives of living alone when you’re recently separated, such as always being able to have the remote, making whatever you fancy for supper and having the duvet to yourself, you can try to stay strong when the downsides seem more prevalent.

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@moo moo - please don't face this alone. Speak to your GP about arranging for a carer to come and help you a few times per week. There may also be details at your local council about groups that you can join and yes, most churches will be very welcoming (regardless of the God part!). If you look around you will find that there are lots of people out there in the community willing to drive less able people to clubs etc. Do you have a particular hobby that you are still able to enjoy? Crafting, sewing, singing etc? Use that as a reason to get out and join in with something locally. Good luck and let us know how you get on.
RecentlySeparated - 10-Nov-14 @ 2:08 PM
My husband literely scared me out of the house with his yelling at me a inch from my face to *find a place over and over* He didn't realize how scared i was to be alone with a mobility disorder and epilepsy and no friends..He got his way 4 months ago and it just hit me when i had my latest fall in my apartment and hit my back really hard and more bruises again..i am going to be alone the rest of my life even with all the attempts i have made to make friends where i live but no one wants anyone new in their lives and i am a very friendly person. I thought of joining a Church but i never went to church before and i just want to make friends i don't know if i want to get close to god, maybe it is a good idea, problem is with my bone disease i have i can't feel my feet or calves and i fall a lot and i have fallen so much at the house and broken my wrist 2 times in one summer before my husband wanted a divorce. He was embarassed by me as he yelled at me saying i don't want to take care of someone with disabilities the rest of my life. That nearly killed my spirit and heart. I have my cat here with me for company and as much as i love him to pieces he isn't enough..I hate having silent tears rolling down my face and knowing another person threw me away..*his excuse* He wanted to start life over again. Well he is starting over with half a paycheck and bad nerves and not being able to sleep as he now knows the grass isnt always greener on the other side and throwing away your wife whom has disability's is pretty cold as i am stuck in this place i am in i can't walk 50 feet without severe pain running up my spine to my neck so i am a prisioner her. I hate living so lonely and i am really afraid of the future..Jacie H.
Moo Moo - 8-Nov-14 @ 10:36 AM
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