Home > Financial > Understanding the Stages of Acceptance

Understanding the Stages of Acceptance

By: Maggie Lonsdale BA (hons) - Updated: 4 Dec 2012 | comments*Discuss
 
Acceptance Emotional Positive Separation

Although it won’t necessarily help you to heal any faster, understanding the different stages of your likely emotions following recent reparation can certainly offer some comfort.

For many people going through a recent separation, the strength of the various feelings can be so very powerful that it can be almost impossible to appreciate that you will stop feeling like that at some point in the future. Each feeling is so all-encompassing that it is hard to imagine that the current feeling will be replaced by another.

A large factor in being able to come out of a separation as a well-balanced, positive person lies in understanding that ‘this too shall pass’. It is imperative that the recently separated person is able to ‘live through’ each of the stages in order to successfully progress to the next stage. This is infinitely more likely to be a smoother path if there is plenty of support – that can be paid support through a private counsellor, an NHS counsellor and/or good friends and family. Many people also find it helpful to have an additional yet private source of support too, whether that’s writing a diary, an anonymous blog, or painting.

Don’t try to rush each feeling in the thought that you will heal quicker. Be positive and work through your feelings without too much wallowing or self-pity – even though some is fine! Through all these stages, be kind to yourself. Eat good food, take regular exercise and try to take care of your appearance as it all helps to keep you feeling positive about yourself and your self-image.

Shock

Most people’s initial reaction to a separation is shock. Even if they have been the instigator in the separation, there can be a feeling of ‘I didn’t think this would happen to me’. If you partner instigated the separation and it has come as a complete surprise to you, this stage can be even more potent. Allow time to feel the shock and do not be cross with yourself for ‘not seeing it coming’.

Disbelief

Once the initial shock has subsided, many people find that they almost can’t believe it’s happened. They think their partner will come back, and often have dreams where they’re still together, then wake up and the pain can hit all over again.

Anger & Revenge

This is a very necessary stage but it can be very damaging if you do not have good support around you. The feelings of anger often surface when the person who has been left realises that the other person is not going to come back and it forces them to see the person they loved in a different light. This can also be connected to financial loss – if the family home has to be sold or if an expensive affair comes to light – and they want to get some sort of revenge. Although it may be amusing to read stories about women who stitched prawns into the hems of their ex-partner’s curtains, this isn’t really dignified behaviour and it keeps the person ‘locked’ into a negative way of thinking.

Tell your support network how you’re feeling and make sure they stop you from doing anything silly. This includes rambling emails or drunken phone calls.

Sadness

Although this stage often never really ends, after all, the end of a relationship that was good is sad, it is an important stage to reach in order to gain acceptance. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad that your relationship has ended. Talk about how you feel and what you are sad about – is it the end of your shared goals, the plans you had for the future or your changed financial situation? – and see if there are ways to turn these details more in your favour in order to gain a sense of empowerment.

Acceptance

The Holy Grail! It will come if you allow yourself time to feel and heal. It does not mean that you will be happy about what has happened, especially if you did not want the separation, but it at least means that you are able to move forward towards the next chapter of your life.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
Why not be the first to leave a comment for discussion, ask for advice or share your story...

If you'd like to ask a question one of our experts (workload permitting) or a helpful reader hopefully can help you... We also love comments and interesting stories

Title:
(never shown)
Firstname:
(never shown)
Surname:
(never shown)
Email:
(never shown)
Nickname:
(shown)
Comment:
Validate:
Enter word:
Topics
Latest Comments
  • son
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    my ex parther want me to sell our family home or buy him out . i would like to stay in my home . dont know wot to do ...
    19 August 2019
  • SouM
    Re: Buy Out The Mortgage From Your Ex
    Me and my ex partner (not married) own a house as tenants in common. He has put 80% of the deposit and I have put 20%. We…
    10 August 2019
  • NIC
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi i left my ex 4 years ago and I remained in the jointly owned property with our 2 kids. Since we split I have paid the…
    3 August 2019
  • Minam
    Re: Should You Tell Your Ex You're Dating Again?
    I don't want my ex back but I feel sorry for him he always cry for and I've found someone new .I broke up…
    11 July 2019
  • Mrs Jennifer Swift
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi I split up with my partner 2 years ago and moved out, we have 2 children together, we agreed on splitting everything down the…
    8 July 2019
  • Oli
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    My wife and I are separated. Have two children. She lives in the house we jointly own with our children. Up until late last…
    23 June 2019
  • Juju
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    A friend brought his house with his then girlfriend 10years ago. She left after 2 years never paying anything but he now wants…
    10 June 2019
  • Shelley
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    I have been separated from my husband for 5 years.He wont sign divorce papers and my name is on mortgage.How can I get my divorce
    9 June 2019
  • Lawrence Ham
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    my wife has a house with her ex, (not married) she wants out of the mortgage so we can move forward. How do we get her name off…
    21 May 2019
  • Tara
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi there I have a slight problem with my partner we always angry with each other we live in the same house but not as partner I…
    13 May 2019