Home > Emotional Support > Checklist: The Emotional Stages Following Separation

Checklist: The Emotional Stages Following Separation

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 18 Sep 2012 | comments*Discuss
Checklist: The Emotional Stages Following Separation

When you separate from your partner you are likely to go through a range of emotional stages. Even if you initiated the separation or know it is the right thing to do, you will still experience conflicting emotions that can be difficult to deal with. Knowing and understanding the stages that you will go through can help you accept and address them. These emotions are a normal and healthy part of separation but you need to make sure you work through them so you can move on.

Being in Denial

When people first separate there is usually a sense of denial. This often begins before the separation even takes place when you are denying yourself that the relationship is in trouble. It is natural to try and convince yourself that everything will work out or that you will eventually get back together again. This is a way to protect yourself from hurt.

Controlling the Anger

Once the reality hits you and you realise that there is no going back it is natural to feel angry. You may be angry at your partner but also yourself for letting this situation happen. Anger can be a very destructive emotion if you don’t handle it carefully though so it is important that you channel it constructively.

Feeling Guilty

Guilt is a wearing emotion to experience as there often feels like no way out. You may feel guilty for hurting your partner, disappointing your parents or taking a child away from their parent. There is no point getting stuck on what you could have done differently. Instead you need to focus on the future, learn from your actions and make the best of your new reality.

Facing your Fears

Facing the world alone can be a scary prospect and without the support of a partner it is only natural to be fearful. Remember that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and you will learn to cope. Instead of hiding away, embrace your fear and face it head on by getting back out there and pushing your boundaries.

Acknowledging Grief

There can often be a period of mourning when a relationship comes to an end. Even if you wanted it to end you can still feel a great sense of loss. Often it is not for what you have actually lost but all those hopes and dreams that never materialised. You need to acknowledge your grief and deal with it before you will be able to take the next step.

Acceptance - the Final Emotion

You need to experience and face these emotional stages before you can be ready to move on. Once you have dealt with the past – which can take some time – then you will be much calmer and ready to accept your new life. It may not be what the way you wanted but this is where you are now, and you can start focusing on your future.

It is natural to find yourself bouncing between these emotional stages and feeling angry one day and full of grief the next. It is your mind’s way of exorcising the past and preparing for the future. It is important to acknowledge and deal with your emotions so that they don’t consume you. Finally you will reach a place of acceptance and be ready to embrace your new life.

You might also like...
Share Your Story, Join the Discussion or Seek Advice..
Why not be the first to leave a comment for discussion, ask for advice or share your story...

If you'd like to ask a question one of our experts (workload permitting) or a helpful reader hopefully can help you... We also love comments and interesting stories

(never shown)
(never shown)
(never shown)
(never shown)
Enter word:
Latest Comments
  • son
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    my ex parther want me to sell our family home or buy him out . i would like to stay in my home . dont know wot to do ...
    19 August 2019
  • SouM
    Re: Buy Out The Mortgage From Your Ex
    Me and my ex partner (not married) own a house as tenants in common. He has put 80% of the deposit and I have put 20%. We…
    10 August 2019
  • NIC
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi i left my ex 4 years ago and I remained in the jointly owned property with our 2 kids. Since we split I have paid the…
    3 August 2019
  • Minam
    Re: Should You Tell Your Ex You're Dating Again?
    I don't want my ex back but I feel sorry for him he always cry for and I've found someone new .I broke up…
    11 July 2019
  • Mrs Jennifer Swift
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi I split up with my partner 2 years ago and moved out, we have 2 children together, we agreed on splitting everything down the…
    8 July 2019
  • Oli
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    My wife and I are separated. Have two children. She lives in the house we jointly own with our children. Up until late last…
    23 June 2019
  • Juju
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    A friend brought his house with his then girlfriend 10years ago. She left after 2 years never paying anything but he now wants…
    10 June 2019
  • Shelley
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    I have been separated from my husband for 5 years.He wont sign divorce papers and my name is on mortgage.How can I get my divorce
    9 June 2019
  • Lawrence Ham
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    my wife has a house with her ex, (not married) she wants out of the mortgage so we can move forward. How do we get her name off…
    21 May 2019
  • Tara
    Re: Selling the Jointly Owned Home
    Hi there I have a slight problem with my partner we always angry with each other we live in the same house but not as partner I…
    13 May 2019